Keeping Busy

It’s been a few days since I posted last. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. It seems to help to having something to do. I have less time to just sit and think about our lost baby. I decided to call the baby Riley. It’s a neutral name and it helps me. I really hated calling our little angel “it”. I also bought myself a necklace to wear to always remember our angel baby.
I am planning on having a yard sale this weekend to clean out a lot of stuff we don’t use. If we haven’t used it in over a year then we probably don’t need it. The kids have way too many toys so I’ve thinned them out as well. There are a lot of clothes they’ve grown out of that I’m not keeping. I only keep my favorites in case we do decide to try again. I’m also getting rid of a lot of maternity clothes. They are mostly summer clothes and I won’t need them.
We are planning a trip to Ocean City, MD the first weekend in June so I’m getting stuff ready for that as well. There’s not a lot of time before we need to be ready for that. Then in August is Nert’s birthday so I’m trying to plan what we’re going to do for that. I don’t know what I’m going to do to occupy my time after everything is done. I guess I’ll think about that when I need to.
I finally talked to my friend who is pregnant. I found out that they have been trying to get pregnant for about two years now. They just didn’t tell anyone. I am truly happy for her. I guess I’m starting to heal if I can be happy for her. I do admit that I’m jealous. I would love to be pregnant still with my angel. I feel bad though because my friend is worried about getting out of the first trimester. I hope what happened to us isn’t making her worry about it happening to her. I’d feel really bad knowing that our loss is stopping her from feeling secure that her baby will be fine.
I do so miss our little angel baby. I would have been almost twelve weeks today. Twelve weeks is when the miscarriage rate drops. It is also when we told everyone about our first two. We told early this last time. I don’t know why. I guess we just thought everything would go along good like the first two times. I would really like to try again for our third baby in August, but I don’t know how I’d get through the first twelve weeks. I really don’t know how I’d get through the first eight weeks, up to the point when we lost this last little one. I know I’d be so afraid the whole time. Do I really want to spend what would be my last pregnancy afraid? I’d really like for it to be a happy occasion. I do really want one last baby though.